Mike and I love playing Mario Party, and one of the minigames in Mario Party 4 is called Mario Medley. In it, you have to swim a medley, but if you go too hard too fast you empty your energy reserve and end up stalled until it refills. That's totally what I feel like nowadays. I had to drop something off at the church, and since I wanted to go to Old Navy too I thought I'd swing by Lynnhaven Mall while I was on that side of town. By the time I got to the Lynnhaven parking lot, I was ready for a nap. I went in anyway. I decided I desperately need some sort of clothing solution. Finding something to wear every day has become a bit of an adventure. Even though I can still fit into a lot of my clothes, if even a couple pairs of pants get put out of commission, I'm in big trouble. I just don't own that much clothing. At this point, there aren't any pants I really enjoy wearing. I can still get into all of my jeans, but they are all either uncomfortable, unflattering, or both. Actually, my pajamas are really the only thing I enjoy wearing at all. There are other items, like my big t-shirt dress, that I can wear, but I don't feel like going out in public wearing. It shows off my little, bloated bulge that isn't large enough to tell people I'm pregnant, but is large enough to be unflattering.
So, off to Old Navy I went. I felt like such a dork in the maternity section. I felt like I didn't have a right to be there. I just didn't know what else to do. They had some fold-over yoga pants, which seemed to be the ticket. I can make them work for me now, and since they're maternity I'll be able to keep wearing them throughout the pregnancy. I really hated to pay the $21.50 (especially since I thought they were $15, which is a long story), but I felt like I needed them. After I left Old Navy, I realized that I wasn't truly victorious. After all, there are 7 days in a week and I now owned one whole pair of pants that I could comfortably wear. I did some minor perusing at the mall (dodging not one, but two T-Mobile kiosks with blood-sucking salesmen), but got nowhere, so I went to Target. I looked at maternity jeans with elastic side panels (instead of the big one in front), but they were $28, so I didn't even entertain the notion of whether or not I should even try them (I'm a viciously frugal clothes shopper. I blame it on Mom and the $5 Rave t-shirts that she made Tracy and I share.) I thought I could find some cute exercise pants or something else with an elastic waist. I just needed something to get me through the next few months. Apparently, it's the year of cropped pants. I HATE cropped pants. I hate the way they look anyway, but they look especially ridiculous on me because I'm so short. On me they don't look like cropped pants, they look like long pants that are too short. Anyway, that's all I could find. I even scoured the clearance racks looking for hideously outdated pants that actually [gasp] went to the ankles, but there was nothing. So, in defeat, I came home $23 poorer with one pair of maternity yoga pants. I can't believe I bought my first maternity clothes before I was even 6 weeks pregnant. I feel like such a loser. Well, at least I'll be a more comfortable loser.
I'm feeling the best that I have in weeks. I'm not exhausted and my cramps have mostly subsided, at least for the day. I still have mild spells of queasiness here and there, but that's no big deal. I'm taking advantage of the fact that I feel so much better to get some stuff done around here. Dishes and laundry piled up over the weekend while I tried to get some rest, but I feel ready to tackle them today. I kept getting little cramps Saturday night that kept me from getting a good night's sleep, which resulted in a miserable Sunday morning. I tried to get dressed for church, but I didn't feel up to it. I spent the day on the couch, which is probably what I needed. I slept like a log last night. I hope that's the worst of it for a while.
I think my days as a size 4 are numbered. It was a little harder to squeeze into my jeans today than it was last week. I don't know if it's a result of bloating or putting on weight.
Every day I get a little more excited about being pregnant. It seems to be sinking in very slowly. I find myself thinking things like, "Well, whenever we have a baby...oh wait, we are!" I've gotten so used to thinking about it in a "someday" context that it's hard to get used to the fact that I have a real, honest-to-goodness due date. I'm eager to get started on preparations...registering, buying baby stuff, setting up the nursery. I picked out the crib and bedding a while back. When Target discontinued the bedding, I went ahead and bought it because I liked it so much. I felt a little silly at the time, but I'm glad I did it now. The crib is now sitting in our garage waiting to be assembled. For me, the nesting started months ago when we decided to start getting things in place to prepare for starting a family. I can only imagine how I'll be when the birth is mere weeks away.
The laundry still beckons, so off I go. That's what moms do. Maybe Mike will get me some Donna Reed pearls to wear when I vacuum.
What a night I had last night. My theory is that the exam I had yesterday caused to me to cramp up in ways I have never felt before. There were times that it hurt so much that I was doubled over and barely able to breathe. Luckily, that passed. I would have been more worried had I not been to the doctor merely hours before and seen that everything was OK with my own eyes. Plus, there was never any bleeding, so I decided to wait it out and see what happened, and the pain eventually passed. Still, it was awfully intense for a while. I'll definitely mention it next time I speak to the doctor.
Today I feel kind of queasy. I may just need to eat something since I didn't eat much dinner last night, but I really don't feel like eating. I'll probably take things easy today.
I'm still achy today, but my spirits are high. I feel much better after being at the doctor and seeing the baby where it was supposed to be. Well, I saw a blob. I have to take her word that it was the baby. Everyone at the doctor's office seemed very excited. I get the feeling that they love helping women have babies and they're excited every time there's going to be a new one. There's a great group of women there and they always make me feel as comfortable as possible.
I finally feel free to start getting excited. I was definitely feeling happy on the way home from the doctor. Before we decided to start trying, I had to make sure that I didn't just want a baby, that I wanted to be a mom, and that's how I'm feeling. I can't wait to be a mom. I can't imagine anything in this life that would be more fulfilling. I was in the car, singing to 80's music, thinking about how I used to do that with my mom and how cool it's going to be to share that with my kids. I'm really thrilled to be pregnant and I can't wait to meet our first born. Yesterday Mike told the baby he can't wait for it to come out and play. I have to echo that. I'm so excited to be on this journey.
I'm feeling pretty lousy today. The aching is more annoying today than it has been for the past couple of days. I'm really feeling it in my lower back today for some reason. I wonder if it has to do with the rain. It's really pouring today. Every time I feel a tightening in my lower abdomen I wonder what it is and what's going on.
There's not much else to say except that I'm tired of wondering what's going on inside of me and having no way of finding out. My wise husband would tell me that there's no use in worrying about things you can't do anything about, but that's much easier said than done. I'm glad I see the doctor in less than 24 hours, even though there isn't much she can do at this point. It's just so early. I don't even think they can do an ultrasound to confirm the baby is where he/she should be (in the uterus, not in the fallopian tube or ovary). I've read that the absolute earliest they can do that is 6 weeks and I'll only be 5 tomorrow. It's a little disappointing that I won't be able to have all of my fears alleviated tomorrow, but I imagine they'll test my hCG level, and a high number is a pretty good indication that everything is progressing normally (at least that's what I read on the internet, and the internet never lies.) Of course I'll update with any information I get tomorrow. Until then...
I'm feeling better today. There's still some mild aching in my lower abdomen, but it's a big improvement. I'm really satisfied with the way I feel right now - just enough discomfort to let me know that I'm still pregnant but not enough to really bother me.
One of the hardest things for me to get in the habit of is eating regularly. I've never been good at that. Even though I'm hungry, I tend to put off eating in favor of getting other things done, and I have to remember that I can't do that anymore. Plus, I've never been a breakfast eater. I ate a bowl of oatmeal as soon as I got up this morning and my stomach didn't like that too much. I'll have to compromise by still eating breakfast, but not as soon as I get up. I just can't handle that. I never could and I don't think I ever will. There are so many things I'm supposed to avoid. I've cut out all caffeine (I didn't really drink that anyway) and I'm not supposed to have feta cheese anymore (which is the hardest thing for me to quit). And the fat-free yogurt I was so proud of myself for eating every day to get my calcium? Loads of aspartame, which I'm also supposed to avoid (I don't like to eat that stuff anyway, but it's especially bad for baby.) I'm giving the last cup to Mike for his lunch tomorrow. Did you know women are supposed to get 1500 mg of calcium per day when pregnant? An 8 oz. glass of milk only has 300. My prenatal vitamin only has 200 (gee, thanks for all your help.) It's been a challenge. Thank God for fat-free cheese singles.
Mike talked to the baby a little last night. He just said, "Hi, baby. I love you." It was so sweet and cute. I thought I was going to cry. With the way my hormones are, I'm surprised I didn't.
I'm really tempted to take a nap right now, but we have small group tonight and I have to wrap some things up around here. Going shopping today kind of blew a hole in my day. I bought some lotion to prevent stretch marks. I don't know if it works, but I'm going to start rubbing it on me day and night anyway. It can't hurt, right?
I'm totally rethinking that nap...
I wanted to document the way I was feeling and my thoughts about stuff, but I didn't want to mix that in with actual "news", so I decided to start this journal.
Today (to the best of my knowledge) I'm 4 weeks and 4 days. It's going to be a long 8 months. I haven't been sleeping well because I just can't get comfortable. Plus, I keep waking up because I have to use the bathroom. I'm ready for the aching and cramping to go away. I've been a little concerned about it, but I've spent most of my morning researching it online and the posts that say it's normal and not much to be concerned about far outweigh the ones that say otherwise. Of course, I'll feel much better once I discuss it with my doctor on Thursday, but I was just trying to find peace of mind until then. Apparently, it's the feeling of my uterus growing. I know that's a good thing, but it's wicked uncomfortable. My appetite is still out of this world, though I've noticed mild spells of nausea (I'm not even sure they're strong enough to be classified as "nausea") here and there, which is a pretty new development. I've bloated up as well, which seems to be much more noticeable to me than to Mike. I'm paranoid that people are going to notice, but he doesn't even see it. The true test will be if I can still fit into my jeans this week. If not, I'll know it's not just my imagination. I also have other discomforts, but I'm not sure I want to post those for the world to read.
Emotionally, I guess I'm doing OK. Before I got pregnant, I pretty much promised myself that I wouldn't spend so much time worrying about everything that I missed out on the joy of it. I'm trying, but my nature is making that very difficult. Well, that and the cramps. I'm trying not to think of the worst case scenario, but that can be hard. I just keep praying for my baby. I'll feel much better once I get checked out and the doctor says everything is progressing normally. Of course, I'll feel even better once I make it to the second trimester. Believe me, if I could fast forward to that, I would. I've unofficially decided to wait until I've seen the doctor to share it with more family members. I'd just feel better about it.
On a positive (and very cool) note, our baby's heart should start beating any day now (they say that happens by day 21 after conception, which will be in the next few days.)
That's the lowdown for now.